Online Shopping Detox

I've been an Amazon Prime member for so many years I can't even remember when I first signed up.  Free two day shipping became free next day shipping, which then became free same day delivery for orders that met a certain price threshold. 

Convenience at my fingertips, I can order the next book in a series and have it in my hands within a couple of hours without ever leaving the comfort of my home (or putting on street clothes as opposed to my daily home-body loungewear consisting of buttery soft leggings and oversized sweaters). For someone like me, where trips to stores often trigger anxiety, online shopping has become second nature. In 2015, I placed 6 orders on Amazon. In 2025, I have already placed 27. Today is March 4. 

The escalation is extreme, especially if you consider my Amazon purchases in 2024 numbered 4 orders. But how? 

I suppose it started when I went back to school full time last year, and then in the spring I experienced an injury in my cervical spine between my C5-C6 and C6-C7 vertebrae that left me in crippling pain as a result of a nerve being triggered by severe compression of my spinal cord. For months, I endured CT scans, MRIs, pain management, sleep deprivation, chiropractic spinal decompressions, extreme physical limitations, and repeated doctor visits where I was poked and prodded by multiple people, usually strangers, as we tried new methods to get me better without actually performing a surgery. 

In the end, surgery was the answer, and then following surgery was another 6 weeks of physical limitations while the gaping wound in the front of my throat healed (your cervical vertebrae are in your neck, and going through the front heals better and is supposedly less painful). I couldn't lift anything over 3 pounds, couldn't stretch up or bend down. Everything had to be kept at counter level. My husband was still helping me get up, lay down, and dress during my recovery, like he'd been doing since the injury occurred. I was basically an adult being treated like a toddler because I had the physical limitations of a toddler, which is frustrating as a 35 year old active, athletic woman. And then, in August, I was finally cleared to start physical therapy to restore strength and range of motion. 

By the time December came around, I was told I could return to vigorous exercise and weight lifting again, after nine months of being a vegetable on a couch. Almost a year of being denied basic human mobility, I was itching to get up and do things, especially since nine full months of physical limitations and medication skyrocketed my weight from 120 pounds to 132. 

And that's how it started with 2025 and online shopping. I've always hated driving, but nine months of not being able to do it made it that much harder, just like actually going places became that much harder because I'd always hated grocery stores and loud places with crowds where I couldn't be seated with my back against a wall. So Amazon was the logical choice.

An idea pops into my head, and rather than getting in my car (instant anxiety), driving to the store (more anxiety), and looking in the store for said product while avoiding other shoppers (more anxiety), I simply search Amazon. 

Which is then helped along by "add to cart" and "place order now". 

I realized today that I'm getting a dopamine kick from "add to cart", which leads into another little rush when I click "place order". And then I get a short burst when its delivered, and again when I put whatever it is that I've ordered in its place (or when I read it). But then its done, and my fingers are itchy and I find myself looking for another fix. 

It's definitely an addiction, and I know because there's no real thought process. I think, I search, I click, I buy. Sometimes three orders in a day for one item at a time! It's insane.  

I remember I watched an episode of  The Nanny with my grandmother when I was at her house a few weeks ago. Mr. Sheffield and Niles went into Fran's bedroom and found it piled with stuff, including a saddle and an entire ski outfit (though she didn't ride horses or ski). She had a shopping addition. I remember her cutting up all of her credit cards and then stealing Max's and going on a bender.  

And this, I think, is probably no different. And if it's an addiction, the only way to handle it is to detox and go cold turkey, just like when I detox from social media. I've set an app limit on my phone, 0 minutes a day. I can't open the app. Already, I've found myself whipping out my phone to look at something on Amazon three different times. I saw something in a video, I saw something in a Facebook ad, and I got an email notification. 

I used to be so good at buying responsibly. If there was something I wanted, impulsively, I wouldn't get it. I would sleep on it, and if I found myself still thinking about it 24 hours later, then I would go ahead and buy it. 99% of the time, I completely forgot about whatever it was by the time I woke up in the morning, and very rarely there would be something that I was still thinking about getting (books and boots almost always stick in my mind). But I've been practicing the art of instant gratification for the last few months, trying to make up for everything I couldn't and didn't do last year. I've never been a victim to impulse before, and I find I'm rather offended to find myself here. 

I also used to put things in my cart, and then just walk away. And then over time I would remove things, add things, save things for later, and slowly make purchases when I was ready. I had a good, clear system. I'd like to revisit that. 

But to get back to the world of calm, rational, adult responsibility, I'm going to do a complete cold-turkey, no online shopping detox for 7 days first. 

7 tiny, measly little days. How hard can it be?